Stop comparing yourself….

7 Jan

to anyone else – even your “former” self.

I recently started reading –  Fit from Within. It has 101 tips – in the form of short chapters. So many of these tips really hit home for me and I found that there are easy things I can do to feel better Now! Perhaps the one that spoke to me most was the chapter about not comparing yourself…. to anyone. I was totally guilty of this. After losing 30 pounds and getting to my wedding weight, I felt better than ever! Then the weight just crept back on and every day I would compare myself to what once was and feel so horrible about what wasn’t anymore.

I tortured myself this way for months and months (nearly 12) and all that I got out of the deal was gaining almost all of the weight back. It was all too much for me. The exercise was intense and the food was pretty sparing. That combination was impossible to keep up long term, but instead of acknowledging that I had inserted this impossible way of life into my everyday, I fought it and tried harder and harder, only to have the exact opposite results. I thought so much about food that I ate all the time – hungry or not. I wanted so badly to move my legs and run, but I had run 40-50 miles a week for 6 months straight and my legs couldn’t do it. They felt like lead. Next thing I know my weight was creeping up and up and up and honestly just kept going. it didn’t make sense to me. I would wear my heart rate monitor, and track my calories on sparkpeople.com but I was still gaining.

When I got real with myself I realized – I was eating way more than I should have been, but why? It took a while, but I was still feeling very entitled after what I had put my body through all those months before. This was seriously an issue of the mind, not the body. I would think why not have another glass or two of wine – “I deserve it”.

In the end that way of thinking just lead to gaining weight, which made me depressed, more tired, less likely to exercise, more likely to overeat and so on.

Not a day has passed where I don’t think – I used to weight 20 pounds less or my arms looked awesome when I got married or in that picture from my honeymoon…. but i am learning to quickly silence those thoughts and remind myself that that was then, and this is now. I cannot change anything I did or ate for that matter, over the last 15 months, but I can control my actions in the future. So for now it is a daily battle but one that I feel I have a handle on. I am being real and tracking my calories – every last one. Some would say this is insane but I think it creates accountability, accountability which I had been lacking. I cannot fool myself into thinking that gaining or not losing is because or my hormones or something else – what shows up on the outside is a direct result of what I put into (food) my body and what I take out of it (exercise).

I finally realize that I truly have to change my lifestyle. This cannot be a diet and exercise regimen that is not compatible with my everyday life. It has to be about balance.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: